Spotlight Search: I Have A Question For You
How do you practice self-care?
Dearest you:
Last week I created a post called Respite for People Pleasers, that was filled with links to some great Substack reads, and self-care tools I’ve been leveraging. It was fun to make, but I know that there are other ways to practice self-care, and I would like your input.
Today I Am Asking You:
How do you practice self-care? AND- as a compassionate nurturer of others- WHEN exactly, do you notice that you need to refill your own cup before resuming to your usual giving-self?
Having this sense of knowing, when we need to pause and care for our own needs is called Self-Awareness and it is the foundation of growing our emotional intelligence.
A common mistake that people-pleasers make and that I have made myself (so. many. times.) is: expecting those around us, especially people in leadership roles in our lives, to TELL US when to take our breaks. We look to these figures to grant us “permission” to restore, or worse, we expect them to know when we are approaching burnout, and prevent it from happening to us by suggesting we take time for ourselves.
It’s time to break that habit. It’s time to stop expecting others to know when we need to slow down, or stop. And people-pleasers, hear this: you don’t need permission from anyone but YOU.
Practice listening to your body and mind. Start to hone in on your own needs before the needs of everyone around you. Practice the same level of empathy you dole out to others, with yourself. This is the very first step in the liberation of practicing emotional intelligence.
If you are a fellow writer, creative, or Substacker here to heal (yourself & others) - share your site below so that we can get a Self-Care directory going.
Thank you as always, for showing up here.
Digital Hugs,
K. Alexandra
P.S. Do you struggle to find the time to practice self-care?
Every other Tuesday, DPP alternates to our advice column, Ask A (Recovering) People Pleaser. Here to hold your hand and share the secrets to self-care through emotional intelligence with you. What questions do you have? Submit to: Anonymous Google Forms or join the community chat below. We can’t wait to give you the biggest digital hug. <3
P.S.S. Enjoying DPP? Take your EQ to the streets and check out my Guided Emotional Intelligence Journal available today- click here.
I have, for the first time in my life, started following a pretty consistent routine, which I find is helping me to not push myself beyond my capacity. I work with small children and have an active voice and facial expressions for the entirety of my workday, so this year I finally had to make myself stick to an 8-3 workday at max. I am the primary income in our family, and my job is such that the more I work, the more I earn (no sick days or any of that), so in the past I have pushed to work 8-5:30 to bring in more income. However, that backfired when I experienced burnout followed by panic disorder and had to miss a ton of work. Since recovering from all of that, I still have a hard time choosing a self-care activity over doing something for someone in my family. But I am really finding that my schedule helps me. It's like I feel guilty to not help my husband mow the lawn but I feel less guilty if I'm just following the schedule and the schedule says it's time for a snack and a walk! My self-care activities include: outdoor walks, time in my hammock if the weather allows, guided meditations on Insight Timer, drinking more water than I think I need to, practicing piano (total beginner but I believe I have potential!), warm showers with good smelling body wash, cozy pajamas that usually include my husband's T shirts, and my ultimate favorite that has been the most life changing: journaling.
My name is Marnie. (Barbara The Cat is guest authoring my posts for the next few weeks 😊)
I loved your post. It's so easy for me to look to others, especially those in an authority position, to tell me when it's time to rest.
For me, self-care starts with a quiet grounding time in the morning. I pray and meditate on good things. Then I pick a poem or 2 from Melody Godfred's book Self-Love Poetry to send to my friends along with a short gratitude list. It helps me foster positivity, connection and self love.
My Substack is called Hope Stew and this week Barbara shares about rest and tuning in to your inner feline. Blessings 🥰
https://open.substack.com/pub/hopestew?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=2kf3e4