Respite for People-Pleasers

What I'm currently leveraging and how you can use it too <3

Dearest (recovering) People-Pleasers,

Inspired by

Kelsey Blackwell

over at

the drinking gourd

- I would like to share with you some resources, in terms of Links and my favorite playlist that I have been leveraging this Spring to help alleviate our innate reflex to prioritize the needs of others over our own.

When it comes to helping or giving, we people-pleasers typically place ourselves last on the to-do list. Self-care doesn’t need to be linear- or look the same each time we practice it. It does need to happen - and the more you practice, the better you will get at intuitively knowing when “enough is enough”. In fact, you will stop handing out free passes before you reach empty the more regularly you leverage the self-care groove.

Here’s what I’ve been trying on- I’d love to know what has been working (or not) for you, too!

Food For Thought:

To practice self-care in terms of my intellect, Substack has been the sweetest home-coming for me. I feel myself fill with the glee when these publications land in my inbox:

• Letters from Love by

  Elizabeth Gilbert
  …Love’s advice to us, by us, and each other. You may also write letters to yourself, from your wisest-self on your own. I self-published a hard cover Lovelet Journal should you like to put pen to paper/bullet journal your thoughts.

• Through the incredible Lovelet community, I met fellow writers,

  Mesa Fama
  who writes, Let The Words Fall Out,
  Kendall M Lamb
  , author of Touching The Elephant, and
  Amy Gabrielle
  behind Grief, Growth, and Lingerie she a forcefield of authenticity around being alive while grieving. There are so many others- check out the Lovelet community for yourself!

Some Parenting/Life-ing publications I am new to reading and already adore:

• Jacob
  at Dad Trying wrote How Substack is Helping Me Change for the Better (It might help us, too?)

• Marc Typo
  of Raising Miles, wrote the sweetest, most emotionally intelligent (i’m talking all four pillars were engaged) letter to his son, How I Met Your Mother. Cuteness- overload.

Newsletters to inspire a change of perspective:

• Alex Cristea

  Wrote I Turned Payments On, but With A Twist (to all of us publishing for free…)

• Kelsey Blackwell

  Complied a newsletter of links that made my night and inspired the one you are reading here now: Guiding Lights In Link Form - resources can come in the form of lists! And if you’ve been here a while, you know I love a list.

Bath & Body (the works)

Image from Avaz Inc.

• I have recently discovered these Aromatherapy Shower Steamers - consider your showers, transformed.

• Do you drink water first thing in the morning? Is it room temp? Try adding some freshly squeezed lemon. Your skin will thank you. Water first, coffee can come next. My sister gifted me this Hydroflask last holiday season. It’s 32 oz and I drink two/day. Game changer. (You do not need a cute cup to drink water, but knowing how many ounces you are consuming daily will help you stay on track. I’m no doctor, but I’ve been told by my PCP that drinking half your weight (lbs) in ounces, daily, is what we should aim for.)

• I usually don’t go for hair products- I have been blessed with lots of it. Too blessed, one could reminisce- the shame knew no limits back in middle-school. We were making our rounds at Marshall’s and I found this Scalp Massager - and I couldn’t resist. Said to support hair growth…I’ll report back. I can confirm, that this, plus the shower steamers = spa day galore for those of us who are working our way up to deeming ourselves worthy of an actual spa day.

• Movement: This one is really hard for me. I work from home, a desk job, that requires back to back video calls most of my days. I have set a goal to get up and go outside for at least a 15 min walk each day. I follow that up with a living room dance party after dinner. Augie is great inspiration and has the best grooves. My husband Omar, has a Garmin Watch, that among other things, tracks your steps. Sometimes I steal it and that drives me to WALK MY ASS OFF. I don’t want my own. Part of the joy lies in “sharing”.

For the Spirit

• Thanks to Kendall (mentioned above) I’ve learned about Rob Bell and his book, Everything Is Spiritual - also available on Audiobook, narrated by Bell himself. I don’t really know how to describe it, but it feels like something we already know, a truth revealing itself from years of overcast. Alignment with my beliefs, articulated better than I ever could have.

• Writers are artists, words- our medium. I have been opening Rick Rubin’s The Creative Act, to a random page and letting the message speak to me. It becomes my mantra for the day. Today’s is:

  A rule is a way of structuring awareness.

• This Daylist Spotify created for me, is quite literally the ultimate chef’s kiss: Listen with Me!

Thanks for joining me today- please share what gets you through the day, in links or comments below!

Digital Hugs,

K. Alexandra

P.S. Do you struggle to find the time to practice self-care?

Every other Tuesday, DPP alternates to our advice column, Ask A (Recovering) People Pleaser. Here to hold your hand and share the secrets to self-care through emotional intelligence with you. What questions do you have? Submit to: Anonymous Google Forms or join the community chat below. We can’t wait to give you the biggest digital hug. <3