Skychology Secrets: The Ultimate Wellness Hack For Lazy Folks (Like Me)
EQ Pillar: Self-Management
Hello dear ones,
How are you this week? I miss you. If I never make a real-life friend again, I would be just fine, because Substack besties seem to be all my introvert-heart ever needed. Please don’t go.
This letter is all about the second pillar of EQ: Self-Management for lazy folks (like me).
How do we know when we need to self-manage? As recovering people-pleasers- it is VITAL that we step outside of how we are being perceived by others, and realize that we can offer our BEST help when we are our BEST selves. That requires practice, and a bit of breaking free from the pleasing cycle. If you (like me) have a tough time finding minutes in the day to shift your focus from everyone else, back to yourself- STAY RIGHT HERE.
In order to ignite self-management, we have to step down the staircase of EQ to the first pillar, self-awareness. If you (like me) struggle to notice how you feel, let that incessant gnawing looming around inside you, be your first clue. Something will feel off. You don’t have to be brilliant (like me), to notice this shift in your emotional state. It takes a little bit of practice to understand that we don’t feel right inside. If you’ve never taken the time to notice your emotions before- I suggest carving out 15 minutes of pure alone time (DIFFICULT FOR PEOPLE-PLEASERS- START SLOW- maybe only 5 minutes). It won’t heal you, but it will open the door…
Once you have identified that you are in need of an emotional tune-up, AKA: you’ve become self-aware; now you can move into action (if and ONLY if, you are ready), to the second pillar of EQ, to figure out how you’d like to manage your current situation.
Important: You don’t need to know which emotions you are feeling to know that you don’t feel content. Also, it’s entirely normal to feel multiple emotions at once, all tangled up- and near impossible to identify. Should you like to explore those emotions, check out The Emotions Wheel & article right here.
The key to this is to notice something is off.
A new tool for your belt (or box): SKYCHOLOGY. It’s Psychology. From the SKY.
What could be better?!
Here’s how it works: (now this is advanced psychology, so don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t quite get the hang of it)
Step 1: Go outside.
Step 2: Look at the sky.
Step 3: Be well.1
If you (like me) think that may be too easy- go ahead! Read it again! It truly is the perfect entrance to self-care for people-pleasers who have a hard time justifying spending time on ourselves.
Think of this as the shallow end of the pool. You can dip your toes over by the stairs- don’t even have to get your hair wet!
Why the Sky?
According to researchers, 75% of all humanity lives in an urban setting. It’s becoming more difficult to immerse ourselves in nature. This is due to a myriad of reasons that I will let you research on your own time. The most obvious reason being, resources. Not everyone has the means to get to nature. You want to know what everyone does have access to? The SKY.
Regardless of where we live on this planet, each of us can tilt our face towards the sun (or moon).
Still don’t believe me?
I brought back up.
As written about in Raise Your SQ: Transform Your Life with Spiritual Intelligence (which has overlap with EQ- read this book & thank her later) by
, Paul Conway (a Positive Psychology Coach) embarked on a research project in determining if anyone else out there also “found solace, peace, and a greater sense of wellbeing when looking up at the sky” (pg 87).Guess what his research confirmed: It wasn’t just anyone. It was everyone. EVERYBODY benefited from looking up.
Get this: “It appeared to be a highly effective form of emotional self-regulation, he found.” (!!!)
Conway goes on to confirm that sky-gazing also enhances:
Mindfulness
A sense of connectedness
The feeling that we’re part of something bigger than ourselves
Awe-inducing
We can’t overdose on our sky-stares. Again, proven by the science, looking at the sky can be beneficial at anytime, in ANY weather.
I't’s FREE and a resource inclusive to just about everyone…even the laziest of wellness seekers (like me).
“The sky can often mirror how we are feeling, and/or remind us that everything is constantly changing, including our emotions and how we are feeling”
-Paul Conway via Annie Ridout in Raise Your SQ
There you have it- the sky can, and does help us to self-manage and regulate how we feel. Acting a a mirror to our subconscious, sometimes it will reflect through the weather our inner emotions.
Feeling at peace & content? Did you look outside? Is it PURE sunshine? Nailed it.
Feeling gloomy in the rain? Makes sense…
Spot a rainbow and feel hope? That tracks!
See a shooting star and feel the WONDER of being alive on this 3rd spinning rock from the sun? Mmhmm- me too!
Let the sky help better connect you to yourself. Let the feelings reflected from above give you language to label what lies within.
Minuscule effort in exchange for massive rewards. Perfect for caregivers with little time for themselves, pleasers learning to make time for ourselves, self-help seekers, and overnight gurus looking for instant success (like me).
Do yourself the favor of stepping outdoors, or sticking your head out the window, and check out the clouds. They are here for you (like me), and serve as daily reminders that YOU ARE HERE. You are here in this very moment, you’ve made it through every. single. thing. that has ever happened to you.
Gaze up there, feel EXACTLY how you feel, and perhaps think of someone you love (like me).
Wishing you a sky full of stars,
K. Alexandra
<3
Extra Credit Resources:
Basically any song by Coldplay
The International Cloud Appreciation Society (this is REAL)
DarkSky International (if you, like me, loathe Light Pollution in our Night Skies)
My Guided Emotional Intelligence Journal (not about the sky, but very much about feelings)
P.S. Do you have questions about People-Pleasing, or how to break the pattern? Submit questions Anonymously or join the community chat below.
One More Thing: What is your favorite Weather or Season? This is the ONE TIME it will be acceptable to answer SUNSHINE & RAINBOWS. I’ll tell you mine, if you share yours first :)
I love this so much! The content (and particularly the strikethroughs) and acknowledging access in our routine 'engage with nature' as coping dialogue, it's all so great. I love a night sky, constellations, a shooting star will make my days. I loved being in international dark sky while in Big Bend NP. I happened to arrive the day a meteor shower was starting and the air was cool while the ground was still warm from the day and radiating heat. I sat for hours, the entire campground following the rules with their lights off, it was amazing. I don't look up during the day enough. I shall.
Loooove this!! Nobody is talking about this! And you're right... EVERYONE has access to the sky (although light pollution DOES break my heart... I've felt this urge to go to Montana and get a little secluded AirBnB cabin and just... soak in the beauty AND the nighttime starry skies. I am CRAVING that). And I love how "lazy" this is too. 😂🙏 Now, to visualize/manifest my perfect home that has floor to ceiling windows of sunrise and sunsets, and a porch for unobstructed star gazing. 💛