Emotions: Name It to Tame It
Why identifying our emotions is critical to self-care, and the care we give to others.
Hello my friend,
In today’s newsletter we will explore:
Emotional Literacy- Identify your current vocabulary, and learn a few new labels from the wheel above to understand and explain what you are feeling.
Why name it? We will cover the basics on why we need to first employ self-awareness in identifying our emotions, in order to be able to move through them. (Beach Ball Analogy)
Resources - I’ll share links to posters, one of the most cherished books in my library, and my favorite movie that personally helped me grow in my understanding of our emotional spectrum. I will ask for you to share what tips you have come across so that we can continue to grow, together.
Emotional Literacy:
According to the emotions wheel image at the top of this newsletter, these kinds of tools are to be used for children. The creator of this wheel image, indicated that this tool was specifically created for children aged 5-12 years old. While I do agree that educating our children with vocabulary for our feelings is critical for their understanding of the emotions they experience- I do not agree that the tool should be retired after 12 years of age.
I am an adult, and I need the Emotions Wheel. I use it everyday as I review the spectrum of emotions we feel as humans. I use it with my 3 year old son, and together we are learning how to tell each other what we are feeling in the moment. As a millennial, most of my peers did not grow up talking about feelings, or emotional wellbeing. For those who did know how to vocalize their feelings- it was deemed weird or “too-much”. My inability to speak to my emotions was not made of fear of being an odd-ball, but stemmed from a total lack of emotional literacy. I did not have the labels to fully understand how to explain my feelings. Our parents, and grandparents, were even more so removed from understanding their inner feelings, let alone talk about them.
This is why, I so strongly feel that learning the vocabulary for our emotions is a tool that ALL aged people should have access to.
And…while I will admit that my newsletter is free in part to help grow an audience as a new writer- there’s more to it that is important to me you know:
This newsletter is FREE for all subscribers, because I believe to my core that humanity deserves access and education around our emotions. If we were all taught in childhood how to be emotionally literate, self-aware, and socially aware- I truly believe the world would look vastly different from how it operates today.
Anyone interested in the WHY behind people-pleasing tendencies, or looking to heal from the grueling pattern of over-giving, and under prioritizing- should not have to financially forfeit.
Yes, I have spent money to learn most of what I will relay here in workshops, master-classes, college text books, personal transformation books, and certifications. Yes- I have been told that by paying, I am “finally investing in myself” - some of that might be true. My intention behind this newsletter is not to generate income, rather to find the hearts and hands of those who truly need it. I am fortunate enough to have a full time job that pays my bills, and this newsletter- is a labor of love. I will keep it free to all subscribers for as long as the foreseeable future allows.
Why Name It?
So, why is self-awareness relevant- and why do we need to name our feelings?
Great question- I asked this too.
As mentioned in last weeks newsletter, the first step in becoming emotionally intelligent, is becoming Self-Aware. Nothing else you try to do can be done with the care and authenticity you hope to give, without becoming self-aware first.
Noticing your feelings in the moment is a life long practice. The more you “check-in” with your inner state, the easier it will become to identify how you are feeling. This impacts our mental wellbeing, as well as those in our social circles.
If you are swamped with feelings, but don’t really know WHAT feelings- or WHY you are feeling a certain way, it is okay. You are not alone. Most of humanity stands right next to you- although most will not admit it.
In a recent course, I was taught the concept of “The Beach Ball Analogy”- let’s talk about it:
Imagine you are at the beach, or in a pool. You have an inflatable beachball- it’s light and filled with air that you blew into the small tube opening. The beach ball naturally floats on the surface of the water. It bounces around and gets blown wherever the wind or tides may take it.
Now- imagine yourself grabbing the ball, and pushing it DOWN- under the water. You don’t want to see it float. You wish it would sink.
You notice a pool noodle drift by and you let go of the beach ball for a second to grab the noodle.
What happened to the beach ball?
THAT’S EXACTLY RIGHT. IT POPPED BACK UP. WITH FORCE.
You have to drop the pool noodle to submerge the beach ball again…it takes all your time, energy, and focus, to keep the ball DOWN.
Eventually, you will get distracted, or tired…that ball is bound to pop back up.
So, tell me: At what point of the story did you realize that the beach ball was your feelings?
Have you ever noticed that when we ignore or submerge our emotions, they eventually will pop back up? Sometimes, if held down for long stretches of time- our feelings just explode like a volcano- burning those we don’t intend to burn.
This is why naming our emotions matters.
If not for you, do it for everyone around you.
Know that by knowing yourself- you are healing everyone else. You give permission to others to show up- just how they are. Your compassion for people will sky-rocket. As a natural born giver- you might argue that you are already a highly compassionate being. I believe you- I too- thought this of myself. Once you acknowledge your pains, go inward, and start the healing process- compassion works differently. Your heart will respond to others in a deeper, more rich way than when you were formerly compassionate to please the likes of others.
Dear people pleaser- you are valued, and valid, in your feelings without anyone determining this for you. It is within. Practice in the moment this week- set a daily timer for 2:22pm (or another time you would prefer), when it goes off- take a moment to scan yourself- how are you feeling?
Your treat for reading (or listening) are these links below.
No- I am not an affiliate, or paid in any way to provide these links.
Everything I will ever recommend to you comes from my firsthand experience of it somehow transforming my own life. The book linked below is on my cherished, color-coded library shelf- and one that I think every home should have. Cheers! <3
Links:
Movie Recommendation:
Pixar’s Inside Out- streaming on Disney+
Inside Out 2- coming 2024 with new emotions!
Thank you so much for dedicating time to read this, for you & everyone around you.
Have a wonderful week, and if today’s message resonated- please leave a comment, or share this newsletter with a friend who might benefit from it.
Love,
K.Alexandra
P.S.- What practices do you use to notice your emotions, or grow your emotional literacy?
Thank you so much for reading, and for gently nudging me to use Substack!! You are the reason this newsletter is here! 🙏
“If not for you, do it for everyone around you.
Know that by knowing yourself- you are healing everyone else.” Yes yes yes. Thank you for sharing your wise words. This is already my favorite newsletter, and you are a true Emotional Intelligence Queen.