This Just In: Self-Care ≠ Self Compassion

A Flash Haiku Challenge & a little nugget of wisdom

Welcome to DPP, a weekly newsletter about the real life trials and tribulations of pleasing, and how to leverage emotional intelligence for proper recovery. Letters land on Tuesdays, please allow me a first class seat with your inbox?

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I used to love poetry. I love poetry. Since becoming Mama, and getting caught up in the hamster wheel of life that we collectively spin on- I may have forgotten this love.

Poetry doesn’t have to be so difficult. And it also doesn’t need to be morbid- but totally fine if that’s your style. In terms of emotional intelligence, writing or reading poetry is practicing the second pillar of EQ: self-management. To identify, label, put to words our feelings. To feel seen by someone else’s words, or to write our own poetry is a self-compassion practice. Please note that self compassion is DIFFERENT from self-care! If you want to know HOW, keep reading!

I’d like to invite you to leverage a bit of self-compassion with me- let’s write a haiku. Start short, and sweet. Or, if you are more of a reader- share a poem that helps to regulate you.

If you need a little refresh, the haiku structure is a total of 3 lines.

• first line: 5 syllables

• second line: 7 syllables

• final line: 5 syllables

Here’s mine:

Screenshot my self-talk.

Replace hate with compassion.

Inhale and go Live.

- Self-talk Clean Up

Now, coming from Dr. Brumder Ross- here is how Self Care differs from Self-Compassion:

Being vs Doing!

• Do you actually CARE about yourself if/when you practice self-care? This has been my biggest challenge to self-compassion YET. Always tearing myself down for not doing the self-care GOOD enough. Not flexible enough in a yoga practice. Not zen enough when breathing. Not smart enough when writing. The list goes on. Dismanteling the voice in our heads to replace the evil with kindness, or compassion- is REALLY the goal. We want to BE compassionate towards ourselves. Simply DOING the self-care routine whilst silently loathing ourselves ain’t it.

So, now that we understand Self-Care ≠ Self Compassion, how do you practice authentic self-compassion?

Write me a haiku, or send a carrier pigeon with your updates. I’d love to know how we all are coping through these wild times.

If you don’t know where to start with self-compassion check out some letters from the archives:

Ask A People Pleaser: How to Change Your Self-Talk

Are You In The Club?

With an extra splash of compassion,

K. Alexandra

P.P.S. Ask A (recovering) People-Pleaser is my advice column where you can submit your deepest, darkest, questions about how to manage the peskiest of your relationships. All you have to do is click Anonymous Questions, to bare your soul and prepare for support right quick.