Alexandra, thank you for the reminder of the importance of "Let It Be". This is one of the best mantras of all time. Cheers and greetings from Vilnius!
Hi Tomas! Thank you so much for reading and for your encouragement. Your publication looks like my cup of tea… I love the idea of caffeine enlightenment. Cheers!
Wow, thank you, Cris. Your story really got me thinking....I would say that my daughter right now views everything we have previously done (focused on safety and togetherness) as wrong, so she's going for the opposite (carefree and independent). I had a really carefree childhood as well and probably an abnormally wonderful relationship with my parents, who I am still extremely close to (I laughed a little about the umbilical cord because I am probably a bit too close still to my parents, and I'm 44 !) But I guess I have been wanting to recreate that with my daughter, and it's not such a likely occurrence. My husband reminds me that this bid for independence is "more normal than not," and I admittedly do need to do some self-searching about why I so badly need to be needed, want to be wanted, and all of that. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for all of your words of wisdom.
Dear Kaylen, I came back to this to read these again. My daughter came home last night drunk and puking. I stayed up all night watching her breathe and keeping her on her side so that she wouldn't vomit in her sleep. I am devastated; so is my husband. I am trying so hard not to jump to worst case scenarios but can't help but feel her future is doomed.
Oh dear LDR, I am so deeply sorry. I won’t pretend to know how difficult that must be. I also am learning to slow down with unsolicited situational advice. I am here, holding this space for you and sending prayers. I hope that you all are able to sleep peacefully this evening. 🤍🤍🤍
Thank you so much for sharing with us so openly on this platform. And thank you for gifting me an opportunity to learn about the pause before a reply. Sending big hugs.
I was off to work in a hurry this morning but finally have more time to elaborate my gratitude so want to be sure to! (Also, I wanted to read your post a few more times!) I am really moved by the questions you suggested I ask myself...what is my daughter asking of me, and what is she asking or telling me without saying it? I am not sure how I haven't come to these conclusions on my own before, but of course analyzing other people's kids all day long is easier for me than my own kids...and I think I've been a bit paralyzed by shock and shame (with the "I 'SHOULD' have been better at this" type of thoughts), but what she's asking for verbally is more independence. And what she isn't asking for aloud, but I think really wants, is validation, appreciation, trust, and for me to help her let her do things that will make her feel she is fitting in with her peers, which is something she has struggled to do for the last few years up until now. I suppose what I'm saying-without-saying it is: "I know better than you." "You need my help with this." and "Don't leave me yet for my sake and yours." These are not the messages I want to be sending her, of course! Thank you again so very much for all of this. I'll probably read it yet again. :)
Alexandra, thank you for the reminder of the importance of "Let It Be". This is one of the best mantras of all time. Cheers and greetings from Vilnius!
Hi Tomas! Thank you so much for reading and for your encouragement. Your publication looks like my cup of tea… I love the idea of caffeine enlightenment. Cheers!
Alexandra, thank you and glad you enjoy it!
This is beautiful; thank you so much for the kindness and time you took thinking on my question. <3
Hello again! Cris (here in the comments with us) wrote a BEAUTIFUL letter in response to your question, dear LDR! <3
https://crissequeira89.substack.com/p/unsolicited-and-unqualified-advice?utm_source=profile&utm_medium=reader2
Wow, thank you, Cris. Your story really got me thinking....I would say that my daughter right now views everything we have previously done (focused on safety and togetherness) as wrong, so she's going for the opposite (carefree and independent). I had a really carefree childhood as well and probably an abnormally wonderful relationship with my parents, who I am still extremely close to (I laughed a little about the umbilical cord because I am probably a bit too close still to my parents, and I'm 44 !) But I guess I have been wanting to recreate that with my daughter, and it's not such a likely occurrence. My husband reminds me that this bid for independence is "more normal than not," and I admittedly do need to do some self-searching about why I so badly need to be needed, want to be wanted, and all of that. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for all of your words of wisdom.
Dear Kaylen, I came back to this to read these again. My daughter came home last night drunk and puking. I stayed up all night watching her breathe and keeping her on her side so that she wouldn't vomit in her sleep. I am devastated; so is my husband. I am trying so hard not to jump to worst case scenarios but can't help but feel her future is doomed.
Oh dear LDR, I am so deeply sorry. I won’t pretend to know how difficult that must be. I also am learning to slow down with unsolicited situational advice. I am here, holding this space for you and sending prayers. I hope that you all are able to sleep peacefully this evening. 🤍🤍🤍
Thank you so much for sharing with us so openly on this platform. And thank you for gifting me an opportunity to learn about the pause before a reply. Sending big hugs.
Xx
I was off to work in a hurry this morning but finally have more time to elaborate my gratitude so want to be sure to! (Also, I wanted to read your post a few more times!) I am really moved by the questions you suggested I ask myself...what is my daughter asking of me, and what is she asking or telling me without saying it? I am not sure how I haven't come to these conclusions on my own before, but of course analyzing other people's kids all day long is easier for me than my own kids...and I think I've been a bit paralyzed by shock and shame (with the "I 'SHOULD' have been better at this" type of thoughts), but what she's asking for verbally is more independence. And what she isn't asking for aloud, but I think really wants, is validation, appreciation, trust, and for me to help her let her do things that will make her feel she is fitting in with her peers, which is something she has struggled to do for the last few years up until now. I suppose what I'm saying-without-saying it is: "I know better than you." "You need my help with this." and "Don't leave me yet for my sake and yours." These are not the messages I want to be sending her, of course! Thank you again so very much for all of this. I'll probably read it yet again. :)
OMG! How awesome! Can you drop the link for us?