It is only in the last few months that I have realized that my people pleasing is driven by my early trauma as a reaction to needing love and attention I wasn't receiving from my parents. It is haunting to see how much it shaped my behavior over the years, and why I can barely grasp the concept of not caring what other people think of you. It may be the ticket to freedom but I am miles away from embracing and owning this wisdom. Thank you for your post. It is an instructive lesson in moving away from people pleasing through personal action.
Steven hi- thank you so much for reading and for sharing such vulnerable discoveries of how your PPP(people pleasing pattern) came to be. We are all healing together here, and I’m thrilled to have you in my substack circle.
I also love Elizabeth Gilbert's Substack. I have written many letters over the years, as I am a long time journaler. Recently I have been writing from love, but I have also used letter writing to write to people with whom I struggle, younger versions of myself, and many others. Letter writing is such an amazing tool to help you get in touch with how you really feel.
I was never a people pleaser, I was a perfectionist, which I see as the other side of the same coin. "If I am perfect, I will be loveable" is a similar message and another way to earn your worth. When I set down my perfectionism, I set down my need to be everything to everyone and could simply accept myself for who I am: perfectly imperfect and good enough. So hard, but so worth it.
Janine! This was such a welcome perspective to read! Thank you so much for sharing here. Do you feel that journaling has led to recovery from perfectionism? ⭐️
A combination of therapy and journaling, for sure. Once I realized the story that drove my perfectionism, and that it wasn't actually true, I was able to set it down. Brene Brown's work helped too.
This was so touching and I felt like this letter was written directly to me. Reminding me that knowing myself is my purpose here on earth and that pleasing others comes in a far second. Your words are so beautiful and powerful. Thank you for sharing them here.
Oh my dear friend, I can promise you that no one who reads this will laugh. It's a beautiful open moment of vulnerability. I will be forever grateful to Liz for bringing us together through Love!
You asked a great question at the end- something I'm learning about myself... I still silence myself so as not to be a "burden", as much as I let my words fall out, I also still hold a lot in. I keep forgetting that I don't have to be the strongest person in the room. The real strength lies in asking for help when I need it.
You are helping me realize so much. I can't thank you enough ❤️🩹
🥹 I am so grateful that LG brought us together too. And your reflection is inviting my own reflection to dive a little deeper into self awareness around being quiet too.
I read somewhere that in the end, the observers find a way to laugh because we are witnessing such a wild and unique experience on earth.
I love you so much, thank you for making my morning ❤️🙏
It is only in the last few months that I have realized that my people pleasing is driven by my early trauma as a reaction to needing love and attention I wasn't receiving from my parents. It is haunting to see how much it shaped my behavior over the years, and why I can barely grasp the concept of not caring what other people think of you. It may be the ticket to freedom but I am miles away from embracing and owning this wisdom. Thank you for your post. It is an instructive lesson in moving away from people pleasing through personal action.
Steven hi- thank you so much for reading and for sharing such vulnerable discoveries of how your PPP(people pleasing pattern) came to be. We are all healing together here, and I’m thrilled to have you in my substack circle.
I also love Elizabeth Gilbert's Substack. I have written many letters over the years, as I am a long time journaler. Recently I have been writing from love, but I have also used letter writing to write to people with whom I struggle, younger versions of myself, and many others. Letter writing is such an amazing tool to help you get in touch with how you really feel.
I was never a people pleaser, I was a perfectionist, which I see as the other side of the same coin. "If I am perfect, I will be loveable" is a similar message and another way to earn your worth. When I set down my perfectionism, I set down my need to be everything to everyone and could simply accept myself for who I am: perfectly imperfect and good enough. So hard, but so worth it.
Janine! This was such a welcome perspective to read! Thank you so much for sharing here. Do you feel that journaling has led to recovery from perfectionism? ⭐️
A combination of therapy and journaling, for sure. Once I realized the story that drove my perfectionism, and that it wasn't actually true, I was able to set it down. Brene Brown's work helped too.
This was so touching and I felt like this letter was written directly to me. Reminding me that knowing myself is my purpose here on earth and that pleasing others comes in a far second. Your words are so beautiful and powerful. Thank you for sharing them here.
Your comment means so much! Thank you for reading and sharing 🤍✨
Oh my dear friend, I can promise you that no one who reads this will laugh. It's a beautiful open moment of vulnerability. I will be forever grateful to Liz for bringing us together through Love!
You asked a great question at the end- something I'm learning about myself... I still silence myself so as not to be a "burden", as much as I let my words fall out, I also still hold a lot in. I keep forgetting that I don't have to be the strongest person in the room. The real strength lies in asking for help when I need it.
You are helping me realize so much. I can't thank you enough ❤️🩹
Love you K!! ❤️🩹❤️🩹
🥹 I am so grateful that LG brought us together too. And your reflection is inviting my own reflection to dive a little deeper into self awareness around being quiet too.
I read somewhere that in the end, the observers find a way to laugh because we are witnessing such a wild and unique experience on earth.
I love you so much, thank you for making my morning ❤️🙏
So damn true!! I find myself chuckling frequently! :) I hope you have a fantastic day my friend!! Xoxo