Sharpie Collection
meditations
The Fifth Pillar is emotional intelligence (EQ) with a pulse: think EQ in action, not theory. I outgrew my old title (Dear People Pleasers). Like shoes two sizes too small, it pinched. So I made room: The Fifth Pillar is where I can stretch, stumble, and grow in my approach to both writing, and the pursuit of a deeply fulfilled life.
If my essays or poems hit home or inspire you to try today’s writing style yourself, consider this your VIP invite. I’ll be hanging out (or hoping to be) in your inbox every Tuesday.
Happy 11/11!
(and if all goes well, this letter will land on your end at 11:11 PST! ✨)
Today I want to thank you so much for holding out the arms of your inbox to offer such a soft landing for my piece from last week. I wrote it as an abbreviated version of a much longer essay I am working on, and was inspired to share because of that quote, “what’s most personal is most universal.” Maybe you resonated and reflected on an ancient memory of your own, maybe you didn’t - thanks for receiving it regardless.
Today’s lyrical piece is a meditation, observing my material attachment versus motherhood. The latter always finds a way to pierce my heart.
If I could sign off in Sharpie, I would,
xX kaylen alexandra Xx
Do you have one?
I do.
It’s something I would run into my burning house to rescue.
I LOVE an expressive writing utensil.
Even in classic black, it gives so much character.
So bold.
So…permanent!
I have a collection that fits inside a FIVE-STAR binder pouch
both to my sheer delight and sheer-er demise;
My five-year-old son loves them too.
On the one hand, this is precious. I love this so so much. My baby, enjoying the practice of emotional regulation in a way that I did at his age?? Color me touched.
I love to see his creations. He’s just started drawing characters, and they come complete with eyes, mouths, legs, and sometimes arms, too! His work is brilliant. The Louvre would only BE SO LUCKY as to have a piece by the one and only Augie Ali.
On the other hand, we have a built-in bummer, here.
Augie is five. I have around twenty-five permanent markers. Not the most brilliant equation.
In his grip, Sharpie immediately finds its way to surfaces other than paper.
And let’s recall one of the aforementioned perks about them for this next one: yeah, still permanent. This is gonna be a bitch to get out of his clothes, the comforter, the couch…some parts of the carpet.
I feel my stomach drop at the thought of him- happy as a clam while slam-dunking the open pouch, blissfully launching the lidless markers into the stratosphere. I gawk silently as they rain down around us across the living room.
My home is a Sharpie graveyard.
You may think his coloring needs to be a supervised activity as a five-year-old. I would agree. We still lose them. TOGETHER. That’s how chaotic our lives can be. Coloring may be only one of five different activities my son is engaged in at any given time. Hyperactive. And yes, I get totally lost in keeping up. Things get lost in our home. Even my Sharpies.
By the day’s end, I am mentally and emotionally dehydrated. And likely also the regular kind of dehydrated. Pulling a shriveled-up Sharpie out from the sofa cushion is kind of just the cherry on top. Symbolic of my actual brain right now.
But then I remind myself that my son is choosing to engage in an activity with me (albeit among several other activities happening at the same time), and he might not always want to spend time with me in this way. “What Mom Likes” might not always be cool. Brands get dropped all the time. I should appreciate being a medalist of his attention these days. I do appreciate.
And then I look back down, and see the corpse of my dry-as-the-Sahara Sharpie. RIP, Red. You had a good run. I loved drawing hearts with you.
Materially speaking, I’m doomed.
Spiritually speaking, I’ve never been more fulfilled. For this relationship is most pure. I’ll settle for permanent stains, both in our furniture and in memories of our shared moments from when you were five.
📬 P.S. Want a Custom Card?
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You are brave, sharing Sharpies! I was so neurotic! I couldn't deal with the "permanent" I wish I was more like you!
I like sharpies and use them regularly. I keep them near me. But the smell is atrocious.