Oh, Please!

Interview with Jules | vol. 005

Welcome to Oh, Please!—where reformed (or at least reforming) people-pleasers spill the tea on learning to live their own lives without apologizing for breathing. Breaking the habit of putting everyone else first is no joke, and I’m eternally grateful to these brave souls for sharing their journey back to sanity right here at DPP. Trust me, you don’t want to miss this series—subscribe and cheer on these heroes as they finally learn to say “no” without a panic attack!

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To reset, I spend a lot of time alone. I mean, a LOT. I read, I paint, I do chores… all on my own schedule, without anyone else’s input.

-Jules

Happy New Year everyone!!

To kick off 2025, I wanted to share an interview with you with my new friend from this platform:

Jules

. I was introduced to Jules through a substack Note that

Tobi Odeyale

reposted- and have to send him him gratitude for connecting her to my life! Thanks Tobi!!

Jules writes with clear and intentional emotional intelligence. She is a disciple of Julia Cameron’s, The Artist’s Way, and has such a handle on self-awareness and acceptance, I can’t help but feel like a moth drawn to flame around her words.

About her:

I was an only child in an upper middle-class family. I got great grades growing up; but I chose not to go to university. I earned my AAS in Commercial Photography at Seattle Central College. I did a few headshots after graduating, but never really worked as a photographer. I’ve since worked retail for several years, I was a hairstylist for twelve years, and most recently I’ve worked for large format print companies. I currently operate a CNC machine at one such print company.

Welcome to DPP, Jules! Can you please share when you realized your "yes reflex" was becoming a problem? Where were you, and what was the incident that made you think, “Wait…why am I baking 100 cupcakes for Karen's third cousin's cat’s birthday?”

I was working at the job previous to the one I am currently at, and having panic attacks due to insane deadlines I was expected to meet with my team. I remember one day I was coming back from break, both my arms and hands were tingling with pins and needles, my chest felt tight, and I felt slightly dizzy. I thought, “am I having a heart attack?” And then, “No its a panic attack. Listen, body, I know this stress has been insane, and you can keep freaking out if you need to, but I’m gonna keep working, because this is the job I’ve got right now, ok?”

Do you have any Mentors/Gurus/Greek Philosophers who have supported you on your journey? Tell us about them.

Case Kenny must be credited for being the instigator of me taking the first faltering steps out of the muck I’d allowed myself to fall into. His guided journal, But First, Inner Peace showed up randomly in my Amazon suggested books, and I bought it on a whim. Doing so probably saved my life. Julia Cameron of The Artist’s Way, which has also contributed to my continued existence, Marcus Aurelius, Rick Rubin, Elizabeth Gilbert.

How did it feel the first time you said ‘no’ and didn’t follow it up with an apology? Was it like discovering a superpower, or did it make you want to hide under a blanket?

The first time I said “no” without an apology… I don’t remember the circumstances, but I remember the feeling. I feel a cringey crampy feeling in my gut, but also a feeling of complete certainty that I must stand by that answer regardless of the discomfort it caused me. I still get this reaction sometimes.

When you feel yourself slipping back into people-pleasing tendencies, what do you do to reset, besides searching Zillow for the cheapest deserted island?

To reset, I spend a lot of time alone. I mean, a LOT. I read, I paint, I do chores… all on my own schedule, without anyone else’s input. I write in my journal a lot also. At least two pages every morning, sometimes also afternoon and/or evening pages.

Since you stopped being a professional “yes-person,” what’s been your biggest self-care indulgence (and how much do you love it)?

Learning to paint with watercolor, and committing to spending several hours a week practicing it has been my biggest form of self-care indulgence. I absolutely love it. It is a form of meditation for me. Hours just vanish while I paint.

If you could give one piece of advice to fellow recovering people pleasers, what would it be (besides faking bad cell reception)?

For me, the first true step towards freedom from people-pleasing was learning to say thank you. To gifts and compliments alike. Thank you, period. No explanations, no refusals, no self-deprecation. When you say thank you without any form of deflection tacked onto it, you have to also accept that you are worthy of receiving good things, whether they be words or material. And learning that you are worthy of good things is the first step in learning that you are also worthy of setting healthy boundaries, AND KEEPING THEM.

RAPID FIRE ROUND:

Kryptonite. What (or who) is yours when it comes to pleasing?

My parents are still difficult to say no to, but I have been getting better about it; especially in recent years. Work, concerning overtime. That one is particularly sticky, because I really like the money. I have put my foot down at working over 56 hours in a week (the equivalent of seven eight-hour days), and I have made it abundantly clear that I despise working weekends… so I generally have been working five ten-hour days per week. It is far from ideal, but I haven’t figured out what to do about it. A majority of jobs I qualify for require overtime up to sixty hours including at least one weekend day, so I’m grateful it isn’t worse. It is most certainly not sustainable either.

Do you have a favorite Book or TV Show/Film? This is purely out of curiosity and does not need to be about people-pleasing or self-care.

Priscilla, Queen of the Desert is my all-time favorite film. I struggle not to say the lines along with the characters if I’m watching it with other people.

Is there anything that you WISHED I ask you, but didn't, that you would like to share here? Final words, advice, questions, comments, concerns? Anything goes.

You’re the only person that you know for certain you will have to spend the rest of your life with. If that’s not the best reason to make choices that YOU align with, I don’t know what is.

Where can we find you and your work from here?

Substack:

Jules

- poetry and essay-ish stream-of-consciousness reflections on my journey thus far.

Reels & Shorts of my art-making process:

Instagram: @juluminous_bts

YouTube: @juluminous

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Thank you for interviewing on DPP Jules! Readers, please be sure to check her work out here on Substack, especially if you have read or are working on The Artists Way. If you enjoy art, check out her IG & YT channel as well!

Happy New Year everyone,

K. Alexandra

🚨 P.S. RECOVERING PEOPLE-PLEASERS: If you would like to be interviewed I would LOVE to have you! Please submit your contact information (safely) here: Interview Me! 🐞