You're Invited: Super Secret Society
Update on TAW: Week 1 & 2
Welcome to DPP, a weekly newsletter about the real-life trials and tribulations of pleasing, and how I leverage emotional intelligence for proper recovery. Letters land on Tuesdays and sometimes surprise days, please consider me a first-class seat with your inbox?
I have been practicing The Artists Way for two weeks now, and I’ve made some discoveries:
Commitment to going on the Artists’ Dates is harder for me than the Morning Pages. I knew this was going to happen. Called it.
I know exactly what to do for my next date so that I don’t quit.
You’re invited, but you don’t have to practice The Artists Way to play.
Last week, I shared a picture of the sunset over Ocean Beach from the cliffs that kicked off my first Artist Date. It was beautiful, and to say that being out there was not “helpful” for me, would be criminal. It is a privilege to live so close to the water, and the salty air is truly healing for the soul. That being said, I didn’t leave my first date feeling refueled, inspired to action, or hopeful. I’m ashamed to admit this because of the aforementioned privilege, but I felt like I had wasted my precious alone time. Like I had failed the mission.
Plot twist: The date turned around after gave up and went home.
I ate dinner and logged into MasterClass. I had bashed on the platform in my recent review of Amy Poehler’s course (love her, not so much the streaming channel), but they just so happened to have NEW courses available and one in particular I was curious to see: Johanna Gaines. YES! Jo-Jo from HGTV’s Fixer Upper! She did an interior design course! InTeReStInG!!!
I clicked PLAY.
She’s talking about how she designed not one, but three different spaces AND she is showing how her own farmhouse design has CHANGED OVER TIME. WOW, LOVE THIS.
I’m looking at the paint colors and taking mental note that I LIKE moody greens, I DON’T LIKE too much wallpaper.
There’s a cool gallery wall. Chef’s kiss, so well put together. Pristine. The space between those frames has been how you say; maximized.
I looked over at my empty, boring, white, living room wall…
You’ll never guess what happened next. Actually, you absolutely could. I WAS INSPIRED. My intuition was nodding, and I was starting to imagine different pictures of mine on the wall. I even thought of two bonus pieces that are not intentional art but could be turned into wall hangings, and I pictured them up there, already as part of the arrangement.
The moment hit me in the face like the smell of Augie’s end-of-day socks: I WAS ON MY ARTIST DATE. AT HOME. THIS IS HOW THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO FEEL. This is the glowing, internal glitter, lighter-than-air feeling, I’ve been waiting for. I feel moved to action- this is what the dates are supposed to induce! I realized I would be designing my first gallery wall! YAY! A tactile project involving an artful eye…I AM IN. And stoked. This is a happy place (Earth to Kaylen, take note).
I break out the photos and pieces that were stored away when we moved. I knew I needed a few frames for pieces I wanted to hang up. I laid them out on the floor facing the wall they would hang upon.
We ordered a few new and inexpensive pieces to add to our current collection.
🕋 Quickly Learn About Islam with Me: Since reverting, my husband requests that we do not hang up art that has “faces” on it. He believes that God is our creator, and to paint art with faces on it, humans attempt to imitate God- and that is frowned upon in the religion. He also believes that if we do hang art with faces on it, angels will not be able to enter our home.
As someone who deeply appreciates the arts, I can’t say I fully agree with this sentiment. Luckily, I am a wonderful person, I believe in his dedication to his faith, and I promise to make the wall sans faces. In doing so, I agree to take on the challenge of hanging interesting, and engaging pieces of art without elements of humanization. As a writer, I love the look of words. Not exactly, “Live- Laugh-Love” as art kind of words, but maybe- if in a minimalist type-font, meant as a reward to be read should anyone pay close enough attention, “Live. Laugh. Leave by 9.”, could work.
I am loving this project. I will post a photo when it is complete.
Today, I went on my Week 2 Artist Date.
I had asked over on Notes, if anyone had read/practiced The Artists Way (TAW) before, and if so- what Artist Date recommendations did they have?
shared that she went to the flea market. SCORE. THANK YOU PRIYA.I had been fantasizing about what the flea market would harvest for my gallery wall all week.
It’s Finals week at school for Omar, and hellfire stressful, for me at work this month- so I don’t really know what day is going to be best for this experience. I wrestle with guilt every time I realize I don’t have a set date to go out yet. I tell myself to make it happen.
Omar, who knows about my program and the requirements, makes my artist date happen. He tells me that he is picking up Augie from school and going to take him to have dinner with the cousins. This is my window. This is my time. Thank you, Bobs. (This loving term of affection came to be by Augie, who calls Omar “Baba”, or dad, in Arabic. Augie started abbreviating Baba to Bobs- and that stuck).
It’s already almost 4pm. I’m losing daylight and I don’t want to be out at night alone. I realized that there are a few antique and thrift shops a few streets over from me on Newport, and I put a coat on before rushing out the door.
I turn into the first shop and check out all the walls. I find this cool collection of vintage apothecary bottles:
I also combed through the books and landed upon this one, which I thought about buying as a joke. Unfortunately for me, my sense of humor is not always shared and I realized giving this to anyone might just get me canceled:
I took a picture of this next one because I thought there was no way people would believe this is a real book without proof:
A Cookbook of the Favorite Dishes of the World’s Most Famous Musicians? Are you kidding me? Random House published this? Cool, cool, cool. No, I’m fine. Got it.
I also see a total of 5 vintage or antique elephants while I thrift around. Last week when I started TAW program, I asked the universe to be shown an elephant as a sign that I’m moving in the right direction. I didn’t see ANY all week. Today I got my sign and confirmation to keep going for at least another 5 weeks.
While I really enjoyed taking a step back in time with these antique shops, I hate to admit that I had the same gut-feeling as last week, when I was out looking at the waves. There were no fireworks. Nothing sparked me into action. I went back home.
I showered and climbed into bed. Clock reads: 6:30pm. I initially felt guilty because I should be utilizing this alone time to accomplish an art date, but then I realized something.
Last week, inspiration hit me when I was relaxing at home watching a show. My true artist date took place when I saw Jo-Jo designing the crap out of all those homes on MasterClass and realized I wanted to design a part of my own home.
This week, even though I am a fan of thrifting, I should not have pushed myself. I should have listened a little harder to that all-knowing voice whisper-screaming at me: “STAY IN.”
So, guess what I’ve been doing with the rest of my Artist Date time today? THIS!!! Writing. It’s always a yes. I’m bundled up, super cozy, eating my snack without having to share, or get up for anyone who may or may not need to go poop and can’t yet do so solo. I am writing in the peace of a silent home. This is a luxury and a gift. And I need to take advantage.
After I wrap up here, I am going to login to Disney+ and watch the Inside Out spin-off series called Dream Production where they show how Riley’s dreams are made. I started to watch a bit last night and highly recommend to any psychology people out there. The inner workings of the human mind boiled down to a PIXAR show touching on emotional intelligence?! Sign me up.
I thought about other Moms, Dads, and Caregivers who may be trying to get out on solo dates but have impossibly chaotic busy lives and thought it would be cool to form a secret society of us who delight in the concept of STAYING IN. Let’s take naps on our dates. Let’s accept that we are exhausted, and give ourselves what we really want: Rest.
I’m motioning for the initiation of a super secret society: The International Pillow Fort Alliance where we post updates on what we did for our home-bound- solo-dates that week. We will romanticize staying in. Doing the least after a lifetime of doing the most. I’m imagining a collective of selfies in PJ’s, bunny slippers sticking out from the sofa, and mug shots of us shamelessly eating our kids’ snacks. Maybe a cup of tea, or a pic of a current read. Perhaps somebody actually builds a pillow fort… all things we can do from a place of comfort; home.
Our society is perfect for:
Introverts
Busy humans needing a recharge
Worn out parents
Creatives seeking rejuvenation
Homebodies
Recovering people-pleasers, welcome. I love you. 🤎
Even if I remain a secret society of one, this feels right. It’s what my higher-self wants, and my daily-self needs. Back before I retired my tutorial voice, I tried to kick off a Self-Love Club and ran out of steam. This feels full circle AND this time I’m not preaching any rules. The rules here are: THERE ARE NO RULES.
I tell myself that next week, Week 3, there will be no novice mistakes. My Artist Date will be divine. I will be kicking everyone out of the house, and staying in, alone. I’ll report back.
From my imaginary pillow fort with twinkling string lights and a stocked mini fridge to yours,
K. Alexandra
Love, love, loooooove!!!! You've given me such a light bulb moment... I've felt ashamed for never taking myself on an artist date despite listening to The Artists Way several months ago and... hello!!! I HAVE taken myself on toooons of artist's dates: on my terms, in my own way. 🥹 Whether I'm at a coffee shop or driving alone in the car listening to music or audio book or my own meditative flow or at home relaxing or watching my fav show or etc., THEY ARE ALL ARTIST DATES. If that spark is there, it's there. 🥹 Thank you so much for the BEAUTIFUL lightbulb reminder moment. 💕
Kaylen, thank you for every word you write on people pleasing recovery, and TAW - - I FEEL all of this, and am delighted that you're carving out time for yourself! I'm now 60, but was once the mother of young children, and know the value of precious alone time. P.S. - you are also simultaneously modeling self-care for August. :)