Totally Useless Tuesday Roundup

Enjoy!

Welcome to DPP, a weekly newsletter about the real-life trials and tribulations of pleasing, and how I leverage emotional intelligence for proper recovery. Letters land on Tuesdays and sometimes surprise days, please consider me a first-class seat with your inbox?

I have stealthily decided to turn on paid subscriptions. I am currently at a whopping 0 paid subscribers. (Gotta start somewhere!!) It’s $5/month to support my dreams of becoming published- which turns out, is rather expensive to do on our own. If you would like to contribute, be prepared for a SNAIL MAIL LETTER of MY TANGIBLE GRATITUDE in your mailbox. I will reach out, and I will thank you.

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This week, I’ve got a round up for you, inspired by Tim Ferris’ 5 Bullet Friday newsletter; I’m about to share 5 things with you that could be totally useless! And I am not going to feel bad about it! The little joys of selfishly writing for nobody but myself are SO enchanting! Rude? Yes. Stupid to do on a newsletter shared publicly? Also Yes. Doing it anyway? Can’t think of a better challenge for this recovering pleaser…

1. Reading: This Book

Don't Feed The Elephants! By Sarah Noll Wilson

This book is about overcoming the art of avoidance to build powerful partnerships.

Rewind: Overcoming the art of avoidance you said?? YES. This professional pleaser would LOVE to stop sweeping things under the rug. Let’s air out our dirty laundry and come back together, but CLOSER.

I’m still on Chapter 1, but enjoying so far.

Would recommend to anyone like me who hides from confrontation. We are going to address the Elephant in the room. Not feed her silently.

2. Watching: Animals in Nature

ALL the NatGeo animal documentaries on Disney+, including this one narrated by Natalie Portman called Dolphin Reef.

You can expect:

• Dolphin cuteness: a Mama and her BABY

• Whale-some wonder: another Mama & her baby

• Totally tubular Turtles

• Serious sharks

• The STAR of the show: Mr. Mantis, a peacock mantis shrimp who is an actual king of his neighborhood pile of coral.

As a largely delayed processor of verbal exchanges, stunted in my self-awareness and introverted to a capacity I cannot explain, these nature films remind me that I AM OKAY. I AM NORMAL (sort of). AND NOT ALL COMMUNICATIONS NEED TO BE STATED VERBALLY. Animals DO communicate with each other, but they DO NOT talk to each other!! (I realize that dolphins do talk to one another with clicks and whistles. I could commit to this kind of chatter!) I feel SO AT HOME watching mamas and their offspring bond with NO WORDS.

Humans are nature. Not an extension of nature, but actually nature ourselves. These kinds of shows are such a great reminder of that.

3. Album: Alligator Bites Never Heal

I recently discovered Doechii. She’s a hip-hop artist being compared to Kendrick and Missy Elliot…she’s different in such a FRESH way!!

Like all new things I love, I went down the rabbit hole and would you JUST GUESS WHAT. There’s a reason Doechii is so different.

YA GIRL COMPLETED THE ARTIST’S WAY!! She did the inner work. She HEALED HER CREATIVE SPIRIT. To those of you who’ve been following along with me, I’m currently at Week 8 of the program- this week is all about recovering a sense of Strength. Doechii is STRONG!! ❤️‍🔥

Doechii documented her progress with TAW on YouTube. Take a peak if you need any inspo to start healing your own creative spirit. It’s not only for writers. I re-discovered a zest for interior design (which I have NEVER executed in ANY apartment of mine until this program).

4. Quote:

"I was always ashamed to take. So I gave. It was not a virtue. It was a disguise"

- Anaïs Nin

Need I say more? This is the definition of a people-pleasers’ motive to survive. Felt very called out by this quote. Also felt less alone. Working to peel back that disguise. 🥂

5. Self-Care: Dr. Bronner’s & the Divine

I bought myself some chapstick. It’s the dead of winter and my lips can tell.I picked this up from our local health food store in OB called People’s, but you can find it online or order a variety pack if you suddenly come to realize that your lips are feeling very VERY chapped: Dr. Bronner's Organic Lime Lip Balm

The second part of my self-care ritual is not for sale. The Artist’s Way has been inspiring me to connect with something greater than myself (or maybe my higher self, or child self- the list goes on…) AND my birthday wish//affirmation last year was to cultivate a lasting relationship with unconditional love.

To feel connected, I have been journaling daily (doing my morning pages!!) and meditating. Sometimes guided meditations on Insight Timer App, sometimes just BLANK, NOTHING, SILENT, BORING meditation.

How am I doing it?

Easy. I am trying the old-school way. I get myself cozy and I let myself come into a space of awareness of the present moment. I don’t have a mantra, just a really light *knowing* that I am fully present.

Every time I catch the fact that my mind has drifted down the stream of consciousness, I pull myself back to the present moment.

The key to not spiraling with self-loathing in this practice is being celebratory when I notice I have drifted vs being pissed AF at myself for slipping.

In the past I would have berated myself to oblivion upon noticing that I have drifted. Meditation would have sounded something like this: “You idiot you can’t figure out what to say when you need to talk, and when you need to be quiet all your mind can do I spew words and thoughts and feelings?! What in the fresh hell is wrong with you?! You will NEVER be able to meditate. Just give up already.”

Thankfully, I am breaking up with that voice. I am in a situationship with a NEW voice and I hope she STAYS.

Here’s what meditation sounds like as of late:

“Ahhhhh- the here & now….”

“August is not wearing his sweater. It is too windy and cold for him to be in shorts. I don’t think he’s wearing socks right now either. His toes are going to be ICE COLD and he is going to try to snuggle up with me and those ice block feet. This is terrible. I should get him socks and a sweater. Where is his sweater?? OH WOW IT IS HAPPENING!!! WE ARE OFF TRACK WE ARE NOT IN THE PRESENT MOMENT GOOD JOB!! YOU PASSED THE TEST! YOU REALIZED YOU DRIFTED!! YOU CAN GET US BACK TO THE **PRESENT MOMENT**!!!

I cheer myself on and windshield-wipe my mind back to blank. I do this for about 10-15 minutes. It’s REALLY hard, but I am learning that it IS possible and sometimes I feel like I get these little glimpses of SUPER BIG LOVE aka The Universe or God or Angels or whatever you could fathom that connects us all and keeps us going.

She shows up to me as a She (of course). She’s an elder. White hair. deep brown skin with freckles or sun spots. Wrinkles all around. Warmth of a thousand suns. She always smiles when I finally find her. Like she knew I was coming, and she’s been expecting me all along. Maybe she’s an ancestor. I have yet to speak to her, but in a non-verbal way like the dolphins and whales nudging their young forward in open waters, I know she cares for me.

From my chapped lips to your cheek,

K. Alexandra

P.S. RECOVERING PEOPLE-PLEASERS: I am looking to learn from you! If you would like to be interviewed in 2025 I would LOVE to have you! Please submit your contact information (safely) here: Interview Me! 🐞