Readership Nickname Unlocked!
EQ Pillar: Social Awareness - connection via Substack
Hi Luvbugs,
I have been thinking that I would like to create a nickname for our community- and referring to us as “people-pleasers” just doesn’t sit well. We are people-pleasers, but we are also on the road to recovery, and learning to please/care for ourselves.
Luvbugs is not a random name. It did not fall out of the sky and into this letter. I chose it with intention and connection to the term. I’ve been asking for guidance in my morning meditations to pick a name for our crew that felt genuine and inclusive.
Elizabeth Gilbert has a Substack called Letters From Love- highly recommend you subscribe as her writing prompts will help you heal not only people pleasing, but in deploying self-love through writing yourself a letter, from “Love” itself. Gilbert sweetly refers to her readers as “Lovelets”. I want that community vibe for us.
Luvbugs comes from my logo. Have you taken a look at the Dear People Pleasers Logo before? It has ladybugs on it. Ladybugs are a sign of good omens, good luck- pretty much all things good. And- if someone special to you has passed away, ladybugs are representative of the spirit of that person.
My logo bugs represent Nick and Nez. Nez passed away March 12, 2021 in a car crash. She was 27. We worked together and she spent countless hours on FaceTime with me through my pregnancy- concocting pickled recipes - including a delicious pickled avocado. I actually still have a sealed jar at the back of my fridge from a batch we made together. I keep it there just to smile at her when I’m reaching for the condiments. We miss her so much. My son August was able to meet her one week before she passed. I treasure our trip to Seaport Village and will never be able to eat at that waterfront restaurant where we shared fried calamari, again.
Nick, my sister’s fiance and high school sweetheart of 10 years, passed away June 30, 2022. The umbrella cause was determined to be Covid. This was impossible to believe. He was 26. Described by my dad as “the cover of Men’s Health Magazine”. My mom and bonus-dad lost a son. My brother Kevin and I, lost our brother-in-law. My sister, her lobster. My sister told me that his entire kindergarten class showed up at his Celebration of Life. Everyone who met him, was better because of it. Younger, but much wiser than me. He was the North Star for many, many, of us.
Prior to losing these precious people, I didn’t have the self-awareness or sense of purpose to write this newsletter, or drive to do any of the inner-work to evolve to the version of me I am today. Much of my inspiration for DPP stems from wanting to live authentically in their legacy. I realize that I am not the primary person to grieve either life lost. Motivation for my writing is often a tribute to their loved ones as I understand there is a pain deeper than just my own when it comes to the families and friends Nick and Nez left behind. Identifying and labeling emotions around grief becomes easier when we grant ourselves permission to open those flood gates.
Of course, I also feel pulled to live by example; fulfilling my passions to show my son, and to inspire everyone here to also embrace living emotionally intelligent lives. Our time on Earth is so short- losing our loves shouts that lesson a little louder.
To quote Rainn Wilson, quoting the original source of this phrase, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings, having a human experience.”
I’ve been learning that the gift of processing our grief, are the pearls of wisdom. Signs from our loved ones that we are on the right path. Yes, there will still be pain. I don’t believe you ever graduate from hurting over loss. It feels like we learn how to pivot. For some, the silver-lining is rooted in finding deeply fulfilling work with our lives. Have you heard the theory that where you meet your pain, you meet your purpose?
So, Luvbugs- what do you think? Are we onboard with this term of affection? Have you been moved closer to your life’s purpose or passion projects in the wake of someone you’ve loved? Please share with us in the comments.
Thanks so much for being here. By supporting Dear People-Pleasers, you support a legacy of Angels- and you also are deciding to show up for yourself! That’s a huge step for givers and care-takers. I’m honored to do this work with you.
Digital hugs,
K. Alexandra
Thank you for opening up and sharing your journey that got you to this point. So sorry you have had so much heart break. From one your fellow luvbugs!
I like luvbugs!