Oh, Please!
Interview with Jacque Aye | vol. 008
Welcome to Oh, Please!—where reformed (or at least reforming) people-pleasers spill the tea on learning to live their own lives without apologizing for breathing. Breaking the habit of putting everyone else first is no joke, and I’m eternally grateful to these brave souls for sharing their journey back to sanity right here at DPP. Trust me, you don’t want to miss this series—subscribe and cheer on these heroes as they finally learn to say “no” without a panic attack!
“Some people will exit stage left when they realize they don't have access to you in the same way anymore. Let them. Some people will get upset because they were expecting a "yes." Let them.”
-Jacque Aye
Dear people-pleasers,
I’m thrilled to share today’s Author Interview with you! I’ll share her bio, but wanted to also share how this self-published, substacking fairy-princess and I met, over in the Notes, first.
Jacque had posted a video of herself sitting at her vanity table, in the most perfect pink gown - the live-action version of Princess Tiana from The Princess & the Frog. She addressed a negative comment with humility and comedy (my favorite recipe) and turned what a hater meant to make her feel SHAME, into a glorious SHIMMER. ✨
Seeing that she clearly has shed people-pleasing tendencies, living her best life, by her own standards, I reached out and asked if she would be up to share her insights with us. Only after commenting on her Note did I realize that her following is 31.9k wide…Princess Jacque may actually be a Queen?!
Immediately, I told myself “STUPID KAYLEN, SWEET IDIOT. Congrats for trying, but onto the next- we will never hear back from a Famous Princess”
And then, to my surprise, Princess Jacque replied. Not only did she reply, but she AGREED to interview?! True royalty, she is. 💖
The Note that started it all:
About her:
As a woman who suffers from depression and social anxiety, I’ve made it my mission to candidly share my experiences with the hopes of helping others dealing with the same. This extends into my fiction work, where I pen tales about woeful women trying their best, with a surrealist, magical touch. Inspired by Japanese surrealist authors like Haruki Murakami and Sayaka Murata, my stories are dark and humorous with a hint…well, a bunch…of absurdity.
Welcome to DPP, Jacque! Can you please share when you realized your "yes reflex" was becoming a problem? Where were you, and what was the incident that made you think, “Wait…why am I baking 100 cupcakes for Karen's third cousin's cat’s birthday?”
I realized I had a problem when I was miserable doing things I was "supposed" to love. People gave so much input about what kind of career I "should" have, and I listened to everyone because I thought they all knew better about me than, well, me. I was told that with my giggly, bubbly appearance, I have the right vibe for video content. That I could be like this influencer and that influencer. That I should be writing these kinds of books and those kinds of books. When I found myself making cutesy YouTube videos and giving pink-tinted advice, I realized...this is part of who I am, but it's not what my soul is calling me to do. That's when I started my current Substack, Diary of a Sad Black Woman, and launched my self-published prose career.
Do you have any Mentors/Gurus/Greek Philosophers who have supported you on your journey? Tell us about them.
My problem was I let anyone become a mentor to me, ha. I've now paired down to just admiring the creative ascent of Tyler, The Creator. He is my muse, honestly. I love how fiercely he sticks to who he is, no matter what his peers say. That's how I want to be moving forward. Asking myself first if what I'm about to do lights my soul on fire, or if I'm stoking flames lit by somebody else.
How did it feel the first time you said ‘no’ and didn’t follow it up with an apology? Was it like discovering a superpower, or did it make you want to hide under a blanket?
I feel like most recovering people pleasers have the problem of swinging the pendulum too far in the opposite direction. So, for me, the first time I really stood up and said no, it was a shock. And it wasn't taken well. And I stood my ground. And it was a disaster. But I'm learning that it will always feel uncomfortable. It may ruffle feathers. Your "no" may even create a storm of conflict. But at the end of the day, you were true to yourself. And ultimately, the dust will settle, and you'll be standing there, so proud of yourself.
When you feel yourself slipping back into people-pleasing tendencies, what do you do to reset, besides searching Zillow for the cheapest deserted island?
When I find myself people pleasing again, I usually go to my counsel of friends, aka my favorite group chat, and ask them if I'm staying true to myself or folding. Because they know me so well, I'm able to hear them out and then measure how I feel against past experiences. If I feel like I'm doing the most, I'll fall back and pat myself on the back.
Since you stopped being an expert “yes-person,” what’s been your biggest self-care indulgence (and how much do you love it)?
I love putting my phone on DND. I also love saying, "Sorry, I can't make that, but I can make this!" My friends have accepted my compromises and need for alone time for the most part, and I appreciate it so much. Being able to stay in alone and read a book or watch a TV show I've watched a million times before is just the best.
If you could give one piece of advice to fellow recovering people pleasers, what would it be (besides faking bad cell reception)?
You'll be okay! Some people will exit stage left when they realize they don't have access to you in the same way anymore. Let them. Some people will get upset because they were expecting a "yes." Let them. Other people's reactions are not your responsibility. Just say "no," breathe, and continue on.
RAPID FIRE ROUND:
Kryptonite. What (or who) is yours when it comes to pleasing?
I get socially drained very fast, but when anyone brings up a special interest of mine, whether it be music, fashion dolls or mulling over the meaning of life, I fold like a pretzel.
Do you have a favorite Book or TV Show/Film?
My favorite book is House of the Scorpion by Nancy Farmer. Such a creepy, spooky, sad book. I read it when I was younger and remember crying my eyes out. My favorite television show, one that I rewatch often, is Penguindrum! It's a trippy anime about fate and the meaning of life.
Do you have a motto? A mantra? A guiding belief about creating a life you don't hate? Would you share it with us?
I do! We'll all turn to dust one day so...who cares! Do what you want.
Where can we find you and your work from here?
If you have a high tolerance for emotional overshares, check out my Substack, Diary of a Sad Black Woman! If you're interested in dark, magical, and surreal novellas, check out my books!
Thank you so much for joining us here,
!Readers- be sure to check out her self-published collection, and Substack in the links in GREEN above!
Order her books directly from her website, that’s the best way to show an author your support! I ordered the signed copy of “How To Escape Death”- shall we read it together?
✨
With love from your Princess of (recovering) People-Pleasers,
K. Alexandra
🐣 P.S. RECOVERING PEOPLE-PLEASERS: If you have walked through fire and have tips to share with the rest of us, I would LOVE to interview you! Please submit your contact information (safely) here: Interview Me! 🐞
Thank You, this interview with Jacque Aye is such a refreshing and empowering read. The way Jacque shared her journey from people-pleasing to standing in her own power is both inspiring and raw. I particularly loved the part where she talks about the discomfort of saying "no" for the first time—it’s such a relatable struggle for many of us. Her advice to people-pleasers—“You’ll be okay!”—really hit home. It’s a reminder that letting go of the need to please others is tough but ultimately freeing.
Jacque's insights into finding self-care in simple things like turning off her phone and setting boundaries were also so grounding. The way she’s navigating her way through life, staying true to herself, and embracing the discomfort of growth is a powerful example for anyone on the journey to reclaim their voice and sense of self.
I also loved her motto—“We’ll all turn to dust one day, so…who cares! Do what you want”—it’s such a freeing perspective. I'll definitely be checking out her Substack and books. Thank you for sharing this interview!
Thank you so much for introducing us to Jacque Aye!! I especially loved her response to the self-care question because I do all of that too! My phone lives on DND. I very rarely have my ringer on and will sometimes go a day or so without responding to people because I just cannot anymore most days with most people. I am at capacity. That's my new mantra this year.
Also, I just grabbed her newest book and can't wait to diver into more!! And I love, love, love her content!! Thank you, K! And Thank you, Jacque - for saying yes to the interview!! :)