Divine Timing & Toilets

How a toilet taught me to savor the present

Dear pee-pee PP Crew,

I was not feeling inspired to send anything out this week. Substack was peer-pressuring me again with the “Great Work! You’ve published 27 weeks in a row. You are better than 90% of people who think they matter, keep publishing or LOSE IT ALL. The choice is yours…just pick the right option here. Either way…we don’t care…just saying…but GREAT JOB girly!”

How…nauseating motivating.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been feeling kind of…blahh. I have continued to read my personal-development books (FUN), and cultivate morning rituals for myself that set me up for a solid day ahead (not that fun), only to crash and burn before lunch (extremely un-fun).

This made me revert to my former self-loathing thoughts: “Why am I so stupid?!” Polluting my mind with, “HOW? JUST HOW ARE WE STILL HERE, AFTER ALL THE WORK, THE DEVELOPMENT, THE READING, PRAYING, WASHING OF MY MIND AND SOUL, THE SELF-CARE & MANIFESTATIONS….HELLO?! WHERE ARE YOU MANIFESTED LIFE???!”

…Not feeling like it would be authentic if I were to continue writing about EQ, if I couldn’t even get myself to practice the self-acceptance or self-management pieces of it.

I sent my wifey for life-y, a voice note of how mad I was at myself, how stuck I felt, and how everything just seemed to be suspended in time. This included my toddler’s potty-training track. He’s 3.5. He goes to pre-school where they are kind enough to change his diapers, but also encourage using the toilet…he’s just not into it.

I want to gentle parent. I want to gentle-parent myself, though the parenting.

I want to be evolved, patient, kind and compassionate. I have put in the elbow-grease, the (wo)man hours, the homework has been done, erased and re-done. WHERE IS MY GOLD STAR?

IS THAT ASKING FOR TOO MUCH??

My friend replied to my note with a calm knowing, “You need to speak to yourself as if you were speaking to me. What would you advise if I were in your shoes?”

Brilliant. She’s an angel. I had forgotten to practice self-compassion. I had thrown away the first and second pillars of EQ!

I immediately had a flood of memories of my son’s infancy- milestones that I was SO DESPERATE for him to meet, and once met- I was sad- because I missed the old times.

Crawling: At his 8 month old doctor apt, we were told that August should have been crawling by now. Immediately, I panicked, and started to pressure him to try crawling more. More tummy time. MORE MORE MORE. On my birthday, a month later, he crawled. I cried. My baby…A WHOLE MAN.

Walking: Same story for walking, per our doctor, by August’s 1st birthday, he “should” have been walking. Pressure cooker turned ON. By 13 months, he was a walker- free from table corners, and all. After turbo levels of stress, he got it. And I felt a pang of guilt for rushing the processes. I missed his crawling days.

Here we are, Potty-Training-Time. Pre-school says he’s ready- all the other kiddos are doing it!! Panic ignited, we bought the toddler potty-seat (the one that goes on top of a regular toilet). He fell in. He HATED it. Then I bought the dreaded “squatty-potty” the smaller version of a toilet for toddlers- this one “flushes” and all, with battery powered sound effects. He’s only into the flushing sound.

Back to my princess-fairy-angel friend: “What would you tell me, if I were in your shoes?”

I would tell her that both she, and her imaginary potty training child, are PERFECT. The toilet will be there when he is ready. Appreciate this phase. Appreciate that he still needs the comfort of a diaper. The convenience! He can pee in the middle of the grocery store! Nobody would know! Good chance he might not even know!

I settle.

Last night, We make his favorite lentil-based colorful pasta for dinner and head for the bath. We wash both Sonic The Hedgehog, and Augie’s hair- sans tears (WINNING).

We exit the bath and August tells me he wants to sit on his potty. I say okay, distracted by finding his PJ’s and a fresh diaper.

It’s quiet.

…Too quiet.

I look for him. He’s on the squatty-potty. His eyes are locked on mine and he is focused. I look down at the floor…it’s wet, and a puddle is heading towards our living room rug. “What? Is? That?” … 3-2-1 - LIGHTBULB.

“OMG August!!!! YOU ARE GOING POTTY?! YOU… DID IT!!”
He grins. I DID IT!!

In that moment, I realize that both August and I are on the perfect timeline. My personal development. His potty-training. We are EXACTLY where we are meant to be at this moment. We can’t force growth.

I am going to be that extremely perturbing person, who reminds you that surrendering, is your way out (in 99 out of 100 cases). LET IT BE. LET IT BE. LET IT BE.

Change will come.

In the meantime- don’t forget to flush.

Digital Hugs & TP,

K. Alexandra

The throne, in all her glory.

P.S. If you have any questions about divine timing (anything besides toilets), you can submit them Anonymously or join the community chat below.

Pee-Pee-S: If you are still here, what have you been working on in your own life? Do you feel stuck? Have you had a recent breakthrough? I would love to know!

Image by KaliGirlArt