Confession: Emotional Yoda, I'm Not.

EQ Pillar: Self-Awareness

Welcome to DPP, a weekly newsletter about the real life trials and tribulations of pleasing, and how I leverage emotional intelligence for proper recovery. Letters land on Tuesdays, please allow me a first-class seat with your inbox?

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To my newest subscribers- hello and thank you for inviting me to your inbox! This newsletter has gone up in flames, erm, evolved, as I have, over the past eleven months that we’ve been LIVE.

I broke onto the Substack scene in December 2023, with a vision to heal everyone some folks with my personal, pigeonholed, singularly experienced life lessons. How stupid. It’s the gurus who have claimed enlightenment after a plant induced spiritual journey in the mountains of Patagonia, a personal moment, to then try and fix everyone else, who annoy me THE MOST these days. COOL, YOU ARE HEALED- DO US ALL A FAVOR AND KEEP HEALING. YOU’RE NOT DONE. and Spoiler Alert: You’re never done! ← Why didn’t you guys tell me sooner?!

Today, I retire my tutorial voice from this letter. I realized that part of my “let me teach you something” approach to showing up here was just ANOTHER STITCH IN MY PLEASING PATTERN. Show up and just write about things I like without “helping” anyone?? ME??? My self-awareness lightbulb flickers: I like needing to be needed (clincher for all PP’s) and unconsciously brought that trait to my Substack. Last week I realized that I don’t need to be anyone’s guru to be of value. 🥹

The days of lecturing are over (hallelujah). I will still use this platform to write about Emotional Intelligence as a means to start (not end) the journey to recovery from people-pleasing, BUT- I no longer am deluded enough to believe that what works for me will heal the entire world.

Do I think that emotional intelligence is the key to a fulfilling and purposeful life? Yes (for me). Do I think know that EQ when fully engaged creates our most successful and cherished leaders/parents/teachers? Also yes (but it’s not my job to convince you). Will I tell you HOW to get there from this day forward? Yes please Venmo me ASAP for your discounted monthly trial. Never again.

Why? Simply put: I don’t know your life. I don’t know what you have lived through (although if you write about it on Substack I will likely read to learn…), and after A LOT of personal development over the past eternity year- I finally realize that what works for me, may not work for you.

Please don’t mistake this to mean that I do not care about you. I hope you can understand that my intention is to care for you SO MUCH, that I stop trying to control how you heal. I can appreciate you, exactly as you are anywhere you may fall on the EQ spectrum, today. And I can say this honestly because I have practiced more self-compassion over the past year than self-hate. When I allow me to love myself, I find that I am far less critical of…well…you. 🥂

I will continue to write here because I love it, and it helps me process (took me 30 years to unearth my vocation- how about you?). I will continue to share books/resources that I have loved because that is something that you can ignore, OR leverage if you like. EQ brings me joy. Learning how to practice deeper self-acceptance, shed people-pleasing patterns, and cultivate genuine relationships, (not fake, “please accept me because I observe and mirror everything you do” friendships) reminds me that I am…alive.

I will continue to share my stories here. I will also continue to share author interviews here, because I want to learn, too! I will explain which pillar of emotional intelligence I engage in across all my writings so that we are all on the same page. If you originally subscribed because you want to learn, perhaps some of my stories will speak to you (but not because I created a MasterClass). If you are here simply to support and witness my experience- thank you! If you spot your patterns in my experience, cheers, I look forward to healing with you.

Hand over my heart as I burn the lecture hall down,

K. Alexandra

P.S. If you are a recovering people-pleaser and would like to be interviewed I would LOVE to have you! Please submit your contact information (safely) here: Interview Me!