Ask A People Pleaser: EQ Review of SHREK
Defining People-Pleasing tendencies and Emotional Intelligence
“You’re so wrapped up in layers Onion Boy, you’re afraid of your own feelings!”
-Donkey
G’day to everyone here who’s seen Shrek,
If for some reason you find yourself reading this and you have NOT seen the movie- kindly leave- watch it- then come back (please). It’s available right now on Netflix. I would share my password, but since they track household utilization now, my grandma, and sister, will tell you from experience that you gotta get your own.
Nobody asked- but I felt called to spend my weekend watching 2001 Dream Works masterpiece, Shrek- through the lens of emotional intelligence- and of course, pin-point any people-pleasing tendencies. If you think that Shrek is NOT a people-pleaser, keep reading. (I was surprised too, but trust me on this and let me prove to you I am not wildly insane with my scientific findings below.)
By the end of this post we will:
Outline character strengths and areas of opportunity for Shrek, Donkey, and Princess Fiona
Give each of these three characters an over EQ Rating on a scale from 1-5
Present an over all EQ Rating for the film itself
Reflect on how I spent my free time, and if I should ever do this again
Let us begin:
Shrek
This classic ogre voiced by Mike Myers compares not only himself, but all ogres to onions. Why? Do you remember? Because of the layers, of course! I really liked the self-awareness Shrek displayed when he describes himself to Donkey.
Strengths:
Self-Sufficient: He lives at and manages his Swamp, alone.
Determined: Sets out to save Princess Fiona, and doesn’t give up when he see’s the castle is surrounded by molten lava, or meets the fire-breathing dragon.
Self-Aware: See onion comment above, and also recall that self-awareness has two parts: internal awareness in reflecting, and understanding ones self, and external awareness: understanding one’s impact on others. Shrek is incredibly self-aware when it comes to understanding how others perceive him as scary, and sadly- ugly. This is where his People-Pleasing tendencies kick in! As a form of protection- Shrek self-isolates from the town. By staying away- he thinks he is helping others, while protecting himself.
Relationship Management: This one seems counter-intuitive for our independent ogre, but if you think about it- Shrek does a fantastic job managing Donkey’s presence when they first meet- even though he tries to scare him away with a vicious and putrid roar. After he realizes that Donkey is not afraid of him, he allows him to stay at the Swamp- and we all know they become BFFs by the end of the film. ALSO: Shrek was incredibly kind, and attentive to Princess Fiona. He cooked rotisserie style weed-rat over an open fire (59:15) and found rest-stops for sleep the entire pilgrimage from her castle back to DuLoc (Lord Farquaad’s domain).
Area of Opportunity:
Self-Management: Leave it to Donkey to nail it with our opening quote: “You’re so wrapped up in layers Onion Boy, you’re afraid of your own feelings!” (1:13) Shrek may be self-aware, but he does not know how to properly regulate his emotions. He refuses to feel them, making him explosively angry, and thinking that he’s better off alone. TGFD (Thank God For Donkey) for saying what needed to be said.
Shrek’s EQ Rating: 3/5
Donkey
Played by Eddie Murphy, the comedic relief of this film doesn’t get enough credit. He can sing, he can dance, he can TALK! This loyal steed saves Shrek’s relationship, and proves himself to be the best friend we all need.
Strengths:
Humor: Couldn’t skip this one! Donkey is synonymous with laughter! He’s got the jokes, and keeps us smiling.
Trusting: Honestly, would you pick an ogre to be your new best friend?
Social Awareness: Donkey is SMART- when his original keeper tries to sell him to the town guards as a “talking donkey”, he knows better than to flash his skills for his own safety. After meeting Shrek, Donkey implicitly understands how Shrek perceives himself in a negative light, and Donkey shows he cares by sticking around and affirming that he is not scared of him.
Compassionate: After having a fight, Donkey returns to the Swamp. Why? To hash it out with his BFF, and show him what forgiveness looks like. This moment proves his tender heart, and helps Shrek to realize that he loves Fiona- so basically, Donkey saved the entire show.
Area of Opportunity:
Self-Awareness: Donkey has the opposite issue of Shrek when it comes to his SA. He understands himself well enough (we know this from all the talking), but he seems to lack an understanding of his affect on others, especially when he enters chatterbox mode and has been asked to “be quiet”.
People-Pleasing: …or should I say, Dragon-Pleasing? At the castle, the fire-breathing dragon, turns out to be a “Lady-Dragon”. A Lady-Dragon with feelings for Donkey. To save his own ass (get it? ;) he allows her to believe that there could be a chance, while also saying that he’s not ready for commitment. He wasn’t into her (yet), and needed to protect himself- classic sign of a pleaser.
Donkey’s EQ Rating: 4/5
Princess Fiona
The unorthodox Princess, voiced by Camon Diaz is charmingly un-ladylike. Before we find out she too, is an ogre - we realize that she and Shrek have more in common than they seem to think. She burps after a good meal, hunts for breakfast and has NO problem defending herself against Robin Hood and his friends. Refreshing compared to all the Disney Princess gals!
Strengths:
Self-sufficient: maybe from living alone all those years?
Adaptable: “By night one way, by day, another…” she lives between two bodies, and seems to go with the flow of traveling with Shrek and Donkey.
Self-Aware: Perhaps this is again due to all her years living alone…she knows who she is both internally, and how others perceive her.
Area of Opportunity:
Fixed-Mindset: This kind of thinking is the opposite of a Growth Mindset, and can be found in people who believe they “know it all”. Princess Fiona is so determined to shed her ogre appearance, she doesn’t even entertain the idea that Shrek could be “True Love’s Kiss” that she’s been seeking all along. When Donkey tries to talk with her the night before she goes off to marry Farquaad, she explains that she can’t be with Shrek because she is hideous, and the only way to fix it would be by kissing the tiny dictator she’s never met. Please tell me i’m not the only one confused by the math here…
Another People-Pleaser: Again, instead of following her heart with Shrek- she feels the best decision she can make for the sake of eVerYoNe would be to rid her ogre-self by way of an arranged marriage.
Princess Fiona’s EQ Rating: 3/5
Overall Emotional Intelligence Rating for film: 3/5
While I may be the only one who asked, I loved sharing my EQ breakdown of Shrek with you. Would you be a dear and let me know (subtly) if we like this kind of content? Don’t just sweet talk me like Donkey did to Lady Dragon…I want the truth! Which I suppose will surface if everyone collectively unsubscribes after this post… PLEASE DON’T GO (I love you so) —> Do you know this song?
Also- now that you know how to rate EQ, what would you rate Lord Farquaad?
Thank you for reading, “someday, I will repay you. Unless, of course, I can’t find you. Or I forget.”
Digital Hugs,
K.Alexandra
P.S. If you have any questions about people-pleasing, or how to stop doing that, you can Submit them Anonymously or join the community chat below.
This is an all time fantastic take on an all time classic movie. Just a great way to pass along the EQ message. Thank you so much for posting another great perspective. Wonderful Job!
I want you to do every kid's movie in existence, please! This was such a fun read! And honestly, it helped me think about EQ in a more accessible way- I'm definitely going to be thinking about scores for Frozen next time we watch (Which will probably be tonight....again.) Or Bluey! Or Moana! Ok, I'll stop. But keep going, you! 🙌♥️